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End of men in business….Poppycock!

Having seen some of the press this week that chartered the end for men in business, triggered by Hanna Rosin’s new book ‘End of Men’ where she highlights mans lack of want to change from old gender roles. I wanted to share this piece by Joanna Judd I saw a little while back. As men so say struggle to balance work and life balance, so do women. As women so say struggle to balance the guilt of good parent and business person, so do men. We have similar challenges yet we are very different in our make up and how we re perceived.

Women are beautiful beings! Your natural feminine energy is to be soft and vulnerable which can be difficult to maintain in the masculine world of business. The challenge for women in business in the 21st century is to remain feminine whilst still being strong, in control and independent.

As you know, men and women are different and we wouldn’t want it any other why. Whilst we should all be treated equally, we are not identical or the same. It’s the differences that make us ultimately complement each other and when you understand the differences you can use them to your advantage when dealing with men and women.

What’s the main difference between men and women? Its hormones. Testosterone is what makes a man a man and oestrogen is what makes a woman a woman. Hormones flow through our body influencing not only how we deal with things physically but also emotionally. Whilst men and women can demonstrate both masculine and feminine qualities, men essentially have a masculine energy and women, a feminine energy.

The business world is largely a man’s world, charged with masculine energy and men have always been part of it. Men are raised to know they will always work and that business is the natural place for them to be a man. Until recent times, women always knew their work place would be their home and family and as a society we accepted the roles that both men and women filled.

Economic times have changed however so whilst men remain in their “natural” workplace and energy space, women today have dual workplaces of both home and business requiring them to be multi-dimensional, moving constantly between the traditional male and female energy spaces. To be a man in business he just needs to be a man and be in his masculine energy. To be a woman in business, she needs to move out of her feminine energy into her masculine energy and if not given the opportunity to stay connected with her feminine energy, a woman can end up feeling disempowered from who she really is: a woman.

Surveys on what drives or motivates men and women, regularly show that the top three motivating factors for men are: sex, power and achievement. For women, it’s security, relationships and love. This generally explains why for 87% of men, work is the most important area of their life, whilst for women, it’s only 5%. If money was not an issue, the majority of women say they would choose not to work, preferring to do something for the fun or enjoyment of it.

For example….sampling the delights of the GUCCI on their page below (click the link…some heavenly things there)

or perhaps…

This is not advocating that women should not be in business or want to be in business – there are many, many women in business achieving excellent results and loving what they do. The challenge for women is to remain naturally feminine whilst working in a largely masculine business world.

Men need space to be a man and women need space to be a woman. Knowing this, the different energies of men and women can be bought into play within a company so that everyone benefits. For example, whilst the competitive male energy will keep a company focused and moving forward, feminine energy will keep a team working together. The two energies complement each other to the benefit of everyone.

Naturally soft and nurturing, women step out of this feminine energy each day to participate in a masculine world of power and achievement. The toll for women is when they are not able to easily return to their natural energy state, is that this can often cause clashes in partner and family relationships. Men are attracted to the feminine energy of a women (it allows them to be more masculine) and having spent a day in the battlefield of business, they yearn to come home to the soft, nurturing energy of their partner and home: it’s what creates the balance in their lives. So if their partner is still powering along in her masculine energy, men can feel home is not the safe place they were looking forward to retreating to, and stress can prevail.

For women, stepping out of that masculine work energy does not always happen the instant you put your briefcase down and change out of your suit. It takes time to let go of the day’s issues and soften. Both men and women need to be aware of the energy shift that women are required to do each day and make space and time for this change at the end of each day. A loving hug to welcome each other home is a simple and ideal way to initiate the energy shift and reconnect as a man and a woman.

The business world is no longer the sole domain of men. Women are valid participants adding great and unique value and business benefits tremendously from the blending and melding of masculine and feminine energies. The key for women however is being able to step out of the business world is to re-emerge into the beautiful, feminine energy that makes you women. Consider a hug: hug your partner, your children and life!

Or as the legendary Phil Evans would say….”Fancy a Cwtsh?” (click his picture and you’ll see)

So if the end of the world is nigh for men….according the the press this week, just remember we have lived in relative harmony for centuries from the cave to boardroom. We need each other t survive and evolve…so to me it is about us, not ‘them and us’

Applying You….You; Simply better.

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Go on…..seduce me! I dare you.

Effective communication skills are highly valuable. They enrich our personal and social lives. In business it’s a matter of life and death.

This blog will show you how to gain almost instant rapport with whoever you meet whether in person or through writing using highly effective communication skills.

If you want to invest more time looking at Rapport Building then I highly recommend the book ‘Instant Rapport’ – Michael Brooks (no relation)



In recent years, much has been learned about the way the human brain processes information. The memories we have, the way we perceive experiences, are controlled by our visual, auditory and kinesthetic abilities.

Everything in our minds is there primarily due to what we see, hear and feel. Remember these three modalities, they are VERY important. Again, they are

  • VISUAL
  • AUDITORY
  • KINESTHETIC

These three modes combine in any learning or communication process. We use all of them to a degree.
However, research indicates that with the majority of us, one of those modes is more dominant than others.


Do you like to learn by watching, looking at diagrams or training videos? Probably you are more visually oriented.

Do you prefer to be told through the spoken word? Or are you the kind that likes to get his hands on the subject and starting doing, learning through a process of experimentation? Then you are probably more of an auditory or kinesthetic.

If this is true of us, it is true of the other person. What if you knew which kind of mode is dominant in the person you are talking or writing to? Could that help build rapport or in some way make your communication skills more effective? ABSOLUTELY!

Companies have spent thousands of dollars educating their salesmen to utilise this knowledge. The results? Dramatic!
How can you apply this very valuable insight? By taking special note of the words and phrases your prospect uses.

People often use expressions that indicate which modality they are thinking in at that moment. For example, “I see what you mean”, “I hear you”, “I’ve got a feeling about this”. When you hear these expressions, sit up, take note. They are sign posts pointing to that person’s modality.

So you have the sign posts, what do you do now? You respond in the same manner. Start using expressions in that person’s dominant modality. Why should this work?
Because words convey ideas to the other person’s mind. You start communicating on the other person’s wavelength. Just like two modems making an internet connection, your two brains start ‘hand shaking’. The effect is amazing.

Skeptical? That’s understandable. Just start, try it and you won’t be any longer.

Here is a true life experience.

A successful financial advisor read up on this subject and started employing the methods.

One day he walked into the office of a manager interested in a savings plan. The financial advisor noticed many artistic pictures on the manager’s office walls. He commented on them and gave an honest compliment.

The manager used expressions like “let me show you”, “you must see this”. The financial advisor immediately picked up on this and realised the manager was a visual.

When the time came for him to make his presentation, he started off by saying, “Let me first give you the big picture” and with that he pulled out a diagram. The manager immediately leaned over and started closely scrutinising the savings plan. From there on it went like a dream.

The rapport was established early on. The manager began to think “I like this man, I can do business with him.” A very good plan was devised which suited the manager’s needs well and both parties were happy – the manager with his plan, the financial advisor with his commission. A win win ending.
Don’t underestimate the power of communicating in the other person’s preferred mode.

Now, how can you apply this in your business? Do you write ad copy or sales letters? Do you do face to face selling or telephone selling?

Sprinkle your words with phrases from each mode and see how the prospect responds. If they respond with similar expressions, you have identified their mode.

Here is a list of words and phrases to help you identify a dominant modality:

VISUAL 

crystal clear / focused / flash / hazy / sight for sore eyes / up front / it appears to me / get a bird’s eye view / it looks like / in the mind’s eye / you get the picture / it’s clear cut / take a dim view / tunnel vision / the naked eye

AUDITORY 

rings a bell / all ears / certain overtones / harmonize / make myself heard / tuned in / that’s unheard of / to tell the truth / in a manner of speaking / gave him an earful / listen up / tongue-tied / described in detail / sounds like / just say it

KINESTHETIC

I’m conscious of / you can sense / she perceived / lay your cards on the table / come to grips with it / that’s a pain in the neck / pull some strings / hang in there / touch base with / it boils down to / start from scratch / that was under handed / hold on / you need to experience it / in a moment of panic

These lists are just to get you started. There are an abundance of signals out there in the way people express themselves.
You just need to “read the signs”, “hear the bell ring” and “grasp the meaning” behind the words your prospect is using, either in written or spoken form.
 

Rapport is almost priceless. Agreements, contracts, big business deals are often concluded between people because they sense a bonding between them.

Develop and practice these essential communication skills and your life and business will take on new vitality!

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OMG…I have crabs!

 

In the book ‘Rich Dad, Poor Dad’ – Robert Kiyosaki tells the story of the Hawaiian Black Crabs.  If you go down to the beach early in the morning you can easily find black crabs.  You just toss them in your bucket and continue walking on the beach.  Now those crabs start thinking, “We’re bumping around in this little bucket making a lot of noise but going nowhere.”

 

Eventually, one crab looks up and thinks, “There’s a whole new world up there.  If I could just get my foot up over the edge, I could get out, get my freedom and explore the world in my own way.”  So he stretches up, pushes a little, and sure enough, gets one foot over the edge.  But just as he is about to tip the balance and go over the edge — a crab from the bottom of the bucket reaches up and pulls him back down.  Instead of encouraging him and seeing how they could help each other get to freedom one by one, they pull anyone attempting back down into that confining bucket where nothing but a boiling pot of water is waiting for them.  Nobody in that bucket is going to end up a winner.

 

Unfortunately, that’s not an uncommon picture of the world in which we live and work.  Many of us live around a bunch of Black Crabs, ready to ridicule any new idea we have and just as eager to pull us back down to their level of performance.  Small thinkers find it much easier to tell you why something won’t work than to help you find a solution.  People who feel trapped and are struggling at a low level of success are seldom the ones who will cheer you on to a new endeavour.  Prejudice and bigotry are rooted in the same mentality – people who somehow feel better about their own miserable existence by pulling others down.

 

I was talking to someone very dear to me today and recounted this story, one that I Interpret this way…Society is the bucket. I am the black crab. The masses are the other crabs.

 

I am finding more crabs like me now that I am over the lip of the bucket, now I have stopped looking down in the bucket and allowing myself to be pulled back down in the bucket amongst the other crabs.

 

At this point I need to very clear. I am not saying I am better, I am however different. I do not belong in that bucket. I have found that one of the key characteristics of successful people is that they hang around people who are already performing at the level at which they want to perform.

 

There will always be naysayers and whiners; avoid them. Avoid the black crabs around you. Find winners and invest time with them.

 

Now that is worth thinking about!

 

 

 

Applying You  – You; Simply Better

 

 

 

 

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Filed under Adult, Business, Coaching and Facilitation, Mind, Sales, Sex, Training

Do you want a shag?

Do you want a shag?

 

Simple question really…so do you?

Picture the scene or scenes

You are at home, maybe working from home if you have built that lifestyle for yourself. Maybe you are busy looking after the children or maybe just at home, because you can be, at home.

The phone rings, there is a 2-3 second silence after you say “Hello”…then you hear a click and some background noise (recognise this so far) this is the realm of call centre cold calling…the trouble is, they are calling YOU!

Then without any warning the voice on the end of the phone states clearly and with no introduction…”Do you want a shag?”

How would you react? What would you think or do? What in god’s name does this individual believe he is actually going to achieve by doing this?

Or scene two…you are on your sofa, glass of vino nearby, the laptop warming your thighs….you social butterfly you, busy Tweeting, Facebooking, Blogging, Beboing…and suddenly your laptop pings….

It’s a contact you added on Facebook a while ago, you weren’t too sure if you knew this person but you share so many friends that you must, so you accepted and forgot.

Out of the blue they have messaged you and said simply “Hi”

Now you are thinking, “OMG, I don’t remember them! How did I know this person? What was our connection? It’s been so long, shall I apologise for not saying hello sooner?

And then he hits you with it….

“Do you want a shag?”

WTF…did he really just ask me that….or am I going mad….I rub my eyes…and its still there, however its changed slightly…now it reads:

“Hey buddy, when you get 5 minutes please like this new page – http://www.facebook.com/some-nobs-fanpage”

Or

“Hey do you want to know how I went from zero to earning £10,000 a month, click here http://www.ripoffmugs.com

What happened to taking someone for a drink? Finding out what music or films they like and maybe taking them to see one or two and walking them home! Building up to and eventually earning the right to go the 10%/90% while the other goes 90%/10% (male/female reader delete as appropriate) and finally planting that kiss….waiting for the front door to shut and then jumping around like Tom Cruise on Oprahs couch.

And guess what, not always when you pan for gold will you strike….but the more you pan, the more chance you have. (the real clever folk stop panning for gold and just focus their energy on making the pans!) and when you do strike it will happen naturally because it is right, you have earned it, there is mutual synergy between both parties. The other party has interest in your product and wants to buy…..you are your product.

**OMG as I am typing this at 22:38 Friday evening, someone has just pinged me and offered me the chance to win an ipod….check my details you Moron…I am in Telecoms!

So for all you SMM’s out there….you PR’s….FF’s and TT’s I have news for you, as you clearly believe that sales is purely a numbers game and no one has ever taken you deeper to understand how we buy as human beings. Maybe they have and you just didn’t listen.

Either way you have missed some key basics:

  • I am a person
  • People buy from People
  • People do not like being sold to
  • People do love to buy
  • People love to be courted
  • People hate being molested

Strong words perhaps, strong emotions associated with them perhaps….and one other thing, strong evidence to show that unless you lift your game, get off your ass and learn how to become great at professionally helping people buy (true definition of selling)

Or you can remain a bottom feeder, harrassing, chasing and wasting resource to get little in return.

Sales is about people, social media is simply a tool just like the phone was all those years ago when sales people were out in the rain knocking doors (for you younger ones, yes we actually did do that, but boy did we at least earn the sale). See it as just that. A tool to help escalate you to greater things, to do that however you first must master people.

To find out more, to invest in yourself and begin again….then come find me

Facebook  https://www.facebook.com/pages/Applying-You/368542120423

Twitter http://twitter.com/#!/applyingyou

P.S. If you want to find out what SMM’s PR’s FF’s and TT’s are you will have to get in touch

 

Now that is worth thinking about!

 

Applying You  – You; Simply Better

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