Tag Archives: self

I feel naked…

…and not in a good way!

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So when is it OK and not OK to be naked…for me I love getting my kit off, probably because I am an exhibitionist, or more to the truth, I really do like to kick back and shed the weekday attire and feel the sand between my toes and the elements on my skin, but that naked is OK…I am asking about the feeling you have when someone you have looked up to and aspire to be as good as if not better turns out to be….well to quote a phrase ‘not all that’

I guess the only way I could feel any more naked is if, there were others.

Thousands of people pose in the nude for

Others, who on the outside or from a distance have a good ‘show’ a presence, a swagger, a reputation and integrity.
OH NO…it has happened….Like Icarus, I clearly got to close…and substance – missing, ability – lacking and integrity – do not pass go, do not collect £200.
So there I am about to spiral…now which way do I go…?
Up and risk the ego taking over?
Or down and risk the ever too faithful human sabotage take over…Oh wait there is another way…of course there is…because I AM CONGRUENT.

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Congruent I hear you ask? Yes, Congruent. A mid-15th century Latin word Congruentum meaning ‘to come together, agree, correspond with’ A word that I use regularly with clients and myself. To me it means simply this. For me to be the best coach I can be, I need to be coached.

I need to understand how it feels when someone holds the mirror up and I am there, looking in, squirming…
I need to understand how I feel when I am being questioned about what I have or haven’t done to result in what I currently have or am.
I need to understand how empowered I feel when I am aided in reaching the point I need to reach to make it happen
I need to create my own solutions and have someone who I can bounce off, an outside voice who will not be my ‘yes man’ and help me see how it really is….
..Show me when challenges need facing and when brilliance exactly that, brilliance.

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So I turn to my coach, I am naked (they don’t laugh, which is also a bonus!!) and I share what I am feeling, a little lost. Something has knocked me sideways and I can quite place it…See that is the beauty of having a coach and being coached…a voice at the end of a phone or a welcome face over a coffee to listen, questions, facilitate and empower me.
I had begun to think my ego had gone and got way out of hand…I am no shrinking violet I know that, but what I was witnessing, experiencing, was mentors and business professionals who I looked up to and admired, possibly even to aspired to be, behaving in ways I never imagined I would experience. Then I began to think, maybe it’s not that, maybe it’s that my compass was way off and I had been looking in the wrong places or looking for the wrong things…
What transpires is simple. It is something I am very aware of and many reading this will be too…and there it is folks…the best learning’s are the life lessons that keep showing us that we are alive, they are not complicated or scientific, they are simple, powerful and right there.
We are a constant.
That was it…where I was years ago, to where I am now, where my mentors were to where they are now is just different. Not better, not worse, just different.
What I wanted then and was getting out of bed for then is not what drives me now.

And here is my compass.
I am here to inspire, educate and motivate.
To encourage the world to think and act differently, one step at a time.
I help people believe. And if you wish to dismiss that, then go and try something that you don’t believe and let me know how you get on!
My ethics and my morals bound me to only do what is right for me and my clients. I choose the game now and I can play to the level that I want, that I choose.
My mission is to help you realise the game you wish to play and importantly the level that you want to play it at.
Because life is just a game. A beautiful, emotional, passionate, romantic, harsh, humorous & real game. Step up to the plate, pick up a bat and swing…you can’t win if you don’t swing the bat, that is a fact.

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So I am extremely grateful to the path that I have chosen and the routes that it takes me every week…burning new pathways, establishing new relationships and building new opportunities to make this world better, one step at a time.
I am grateful to my coach and my clients, past present and future.
I am grateful for my health and every day that I am given to get up and make it happen.
Whatever you do, do it to your best and the best will find you back.

When you are ready to take the bat and start winning…call me. The Congruent Coach. +44(0) 1792 911881

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End of men in business….Poppycock!

Having seen some of the press this week that chartered the end for men in business, triggered by Hanna Rosin’s new book ‘End of Men’ where she highlights mans lack of want to change from old gender roles. I wanted to share this piece by Joanna Judd I saw a little while back. As men so say struggle to balance work and life balance, so do women. As women so say struggle to balance the guilt of good parent and business person, so do men. We have similar challenges yet we are very different in our make up and how we re perceived.

Women are beautiful beings! Your natural feminine energy is to be soft and vulnerable which can be difficult to maintain in the masculine world of business. The challenge for women in business in the 21st century is to remain feminine whilst still being strong, in control and independent.

As you know, men and women are different and we wouldn’t want it any other why. Whilst we should all be treated equally, we are not identical or the same. It’s the differences that make us ultimately complement each other and when you understand the differences you can use them to your advantage when dealing with men and women.

What’s the main difference between men and women? Its hormones. Testosterone is what makes a man a man and oestrogen is what makes a woman a woman. Hormones flow through our body influencing not only how we deal with things physically but also emotionally. Whilst men and women can demonstrate both masculine and feminine qualities, men essentially have a masculine energy and women, a feminine energy.

The business world is largely a man’s world, charged with masculine energy and men have always been part of it. Men are raised to know they will always work and that business is the natural place for them to be a man. Until recent times, women always knew their work place would be their home and family and as a society we accepted the roles that both men and women filled.

Economic times have changed however so whilst men remain in their “natural” workplace and energy space, women today have dual workplaces of both home and business requiring them to be multi-dimensional, moving constantly between the traditional male and female energy spaces. To be a man in business he just needs to be a man and be in his masculine energy. To be a woman in business, she needs to move out of her feminine energy into her masculine energy and if not given the opportunity to stay connected with her feminine energy, a woman can end up feeling disempowered from who she really is: a woman.

Surveys on what drives or motivates men and women, regularly show that the top three motivating factors for men are: sex, power and achievement. For women, it’s security, relationships and love. This generally explains why for 87% of men, work is the most important area of their life, whilst for women, it’s only 5%. If money was not an issue, the majority of women say they would choose not to work, preferring to do something for the fun or enjoyment of it.

For example….sampling the delights of the GUCCI on their page below (click the link…some heavenly things there)

or perhaps…

This is not advocating that women should not be in business or want to be in business – there are many, many women in business achieving excellent results and loving what they do. The challenge for women is to remain naturally feminine whilst working in a largely masculine business world.

Men need space to be a man and women need space to be a woman. Knowing this, the different energies of men and women can be bought into play within a company so that everyone benefits. For example, whilst the competitive male energy will keep a company focused and moving forward, feminine energy will keep a team working together. The two energies complement each other to the benefit of everyone.

Naturally soft and nurturing, women step out of this feminine energy each day to participate in a masculine world of power and achievement. The toll for women is when they are not able to easily return to their natural energy state, is that this can often cause clashes in partner and family relationships. Men are attracted to the feminine energy of a women (it allows them to be more masculine) and having spent a day in the battlefield of business, they yearn to come home to the soft, nurturing energy of their partner and home: it’s what creates the balance in their lives. So if their partner is still powering along in her masculine energy, men can feel home is not the safe place they were looking forward to retreating to, and stress can prevail.

For women, stepping out of that masculine work energy does not always happen the instant you put your briefcase down and change out of your suit. It takes time to let go of the day’s issues and soften. Both men and women need to be aware of the energy shift that women are required to do each day and make space and time for this change at the end of each day. A loving hug to welcome each other home is a simple and ideal way to initiate the energy shift and reconnect as a man and a woman.

The business world is no longer the sole domain of men. Women are valid participants adding great and unique value and business benefits tremendously from the blending and melding of masculine and feminine energies. The key for women however is being able to step out of the business world is to re-emerge into the beautiful, feminine energy that makes you women. Consider a hug: hug your partner, your children and life!

Or as the legendary Phil Evans would say….”Fancy a Cwtsh?” (click his picture and you’ll see)

So if the end of the world is nigh for men….according the the press this week, just remember we have lived in relative harmony for centuries from the cave to boardroom. We need each other t survive and evolve…so to me it is about us, not ‘them and us’

Applying You….You; Simply better.

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We’re all cracked pots!

A water bearer in India had two large pots, each hung on each end of a pole which he carried across his neck.

One of the pots had a crack in it, and while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water at the end of the long walk from the stream to the master’s house, the cracked pot arrived only half full.

 

For a full 2 years this went on daily, with the bearer delivering only one and a half pots full of water in his master’s house.

 

Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments, perfect to the end for which it was made.

 

But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and miserable that it was able to accomplish only half of what it had been made to do.

 

After 2 years of what it perceived to be a bitter failure, it spoke to the water bearer one day by the stream.

 

“I am ashamed of myself, and I want to apologize to you.”

 

“Why?” asked the bearer.  “What are you ashamed of?”

 

“I have been able, for these past two years, to deliver only half my load because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your master’s house.  Because of my flaws, you have to do all of this work, and you don’t get full value from your efforts,” the pot said.

 

The water bearer felt sorry for the old cracked pot, and in his compassion he said, “As we return to the master’s house, I want you to notice the beautiful flowers along the path.”

Indeed as they went up the hill, the old cracked pot took notice of the sun warming the beautiful wild flowers on the side of the path and this cheered it some.  But at the end of tile trail, it still felt bad because it had leaked out half its load, and so again it apologized to the bearer for its failure.

 

The bearer said to the pot, “Did you notice that there were flowers only on YOUR side of your path, but not on the other pot’s side?  That’s because I have always known about your flaw, and I took advantage of it.  I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back from the stream, you’ve watered them.

 

For 2 years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate my master’s table.  Without you being just the way you are, he would not have this beauty to grace his house.”

 

Moral: Each of us has our own unique flaws.  We’re all cracked pots.

 

Some of us don’t grow old gracefully, some are not so smart, some are tall, large & big, some bald, some physically challenged, but it’s the cracks and flaws we each have that make our lives together so very interesting and rewarding.

 

You’ve just got to take each person for what they are, and look for the good in them.  There is a lot of good out there.  There is a lot of good in you.

Blessed are the flexible for they shall not be bent out of shape.  Remember to appreciate all the different people in your life!  Or as I like to think of it – If it’s not for the crackpots in my life, it would be pretty boring.

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Which is more powerful, the gun or the lens?

I wrote in the first week of September 1997. Princess Diana had just died and the news world was thrown into silence. The calm before the storm, the paps got hammered and yet the papers rolled off with every money making spin off they could. I remember Radio 1 played the same loop of songs including the haunting theme from Merry Christmas Mr Lawrence. Click here to listen.

I was sat, parked somewhere along the spine of road network that connects our truly brilliant country and I penned this,  I was 22 years old.

Which is more powerful,

the gun or the lens?

One thing is certain,

They’re a means to an end.

Both of them active,

both of them still.

Equally powerful,

able to kill.

Hunt the rich and famous,

as if a bird of prey.

Scavenge like hyenas,

endless, night & day.

Scurry round like sewer rats,

humans are their morsels.

I wonder, are their parents proud?

Their children have ‘no’ morals!

Each of us, share the blame,

every day repeat the same.

We’re both as bad as one another,

we buy the papers and show each other.

How do we know what they say it true?

‘Cos they tell me & I tell you!

I wonder what some might say,

if they were still with us today.

We’ve lost some great people over the years,

media pressure…the pain…the tears.

The only people who gain from the lives they wreck,

are the big fat cats, with their big fat cheques.

© Adam Brooks – 1997

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Talking to yourself is ‘the’ way

This morning before my day really kicked in, I was scanning my Facebook wall for interesting content, when I came across a blog from my friend Anna Lang (http://anna-lang-self-love.blogspot.com/).

 

It reminded me of a recent blog of mine and one that triggered a longer memory somewhere deep in my random little head and I searched it out for you. Thomas Turner shared back in 2009 and is a specialist in cognitive re-imprinting and hypnotherapy. Enjoy.

 

In today’s negative world, having a positive outlook on life can do wonders for you. It can literally change your life if you’re consistent. Many people understand this fact, but still struggle to make it work.

Their subconscious mind still keeps sending those negative thoughts to dwell on. How can you reprogram your subconscious mind for positive results? Here are the top five ways to reprogram your subconscious mind.

1. Positive Self-talk

This is the key to changing your life. You need to believe you are a better person. You need to understand that the only thing holding you back is YOU! So, the way you start is by being positive. Listen to your inner self-talk, and realize when you are being negative or putting yourself down.

Change your “I can’t…”, “I don’t know how…”, and “I’ll never be…” to positive self-talk like “I can…”, “I will…”, and “I am…” This seems simple, and ultimately it is. This simply first step will start to change your life for the better.

2. Visualise Your New Positive Life

 

Start by lying down in a quiet place. Turn off the lights to avoid any distractions. Now, take deep breaths, and tense up your entire body. Then, one body part at a time starting from your toes, relax that body part.

Once you are starting to feel relaxed, visualise yourself in the position you want your life to end up. Make sure to include yourself in these visualisations. It’s important that you make these images as real as possible for your subconscious to believe in what you are trying to accomplish. Once you feel at peace, move onto step 3.

3. Know What You Want

You have to know what you want out of yourself and your life. Not knowing where you’re going or what you are working for makes it hard for you to know which path you need to take to get there.

After you know what you want, focus on one want at a time. Accomplish that want then move on to a new want. This will allow for greater success. After you do all this move onto step 4.

4. Come Up With Some Affirmations

Affirmations can do you a world of good. The reason that they usually don’t work for some people is because they forget to do them consistently. Find a way to remind yourself and you will succeed.

5. Use Your Other Senses

Don’t just write them down once and forget about them. Write them out as often as possible. There’s something about actually writing them out that helps clarify things in your mind. It reprograms your subconscious to help you get what you really want. Write them down every day and you will supercharge your effectiveness.

Reprogramming your subconscious mind with these 5 easy steps, you will be able to see your accomplishments on paper, hear it in the affirmations, you will feel it in your visualization, it won’t be long until you make all of your wants from pictures, images, and your imagination into a reality. Your mind is a powerful tool we should all use. It these steps will make it as simple as 1, 2, 3, 4, 5!
Now that is worth thinking about!

 

Applying You  – You; Simply Better

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