Tag Archives: nlp

I feel naked…

…and not in a good way!

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So when is it OK and not OK to be naked…for me I love getting my kit off, probably because I am an exhibitionist, or more to the truth, I really do like to kick back and shed the weekday attire and feel the sand between my toes and the elements on my skin, but that naked is OK…I am asking about the feeling you have when someone you have looked up to and aspire to be as good as if not better turns out to be….well to quote a phrase ‘not all that’

I guess the only way I could feel any more naked is if, there were others.

Thousands of people pose in the nude for

Others, who on the outside or from a distance have a good ‘show’ a presence, a swagger, a reputation and integrity.
OH NO…it has happened….Like Icarus, I clearly got to close…and substance – missing, ability – lacking and integrity – do not pass go, do not collect £200.
So there I am about to spiral…now which way do I go…?
Up and risk the ego taking over?
Or down and risk the ever too faithful human sabotage take over…Oh wait there is another way…of course there is…because I AM CONGRUENT.

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Congruent I hear you ask? Yes, Congruent. A mid-15th century Latin word Congruentum meaning ‘to come together, agree, correspond with’ A word that I use regularly with clients and myself. To me it means simply this. For me to be the best coach I can be, I need to be coached.

I need to understand how it feels when someone holds the mirror up and I am there, looking in, squirming…
I need to understand how I feel when I am being questioned about what I have or haven’t done to result in what I currently have or am.
I need to understand how empowered I feel when I am aided in reaching the point I need to reach to make it happen
I need to create my own solutions and have someone who I can bounce off, an outside voice who will not be my ‘yes man’ and help me see how it really is….
..Show me when challenges need facing and when brilliance exactly that, brilliance.

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So I turn to my coach, I am naked (they don’t laugh, which is also a bonus!!) and I share what I am feeling, a little lost. Something has knocked me sideways and I can quite place it…See that is the beauty of having a coach and being coached…a voice at the end of a phone or a welcome face over a coffee to listen, questions, facilitate and empower me.
I had begun to think my ego had gone and got way out of hand…I am no shrinking violet I know that, but what I was witnessing, experiencing, was mentors and business professionals who I looked up to and admired, possibly even to aspired to be, behaving in ways I never imagined I would experience. Then I began to think, maybe it’s not that, maybe it’s that my compass was way off and I had been looking in the wrong places or looking for the wrong things…
What transpires is simple. It is something I am very aware of and many reading this will be too…and there it is folks…the best learning’s are the life lessons that keep showing us that we are alive, they are not complicated or scientific, they are simple, powerful and right there.
We are a constant.
That was it…where I was years ago, to where I am now, where my mentors were to where they are now is just different. Not better, not worse, just different.
What I wanted then and was getting out of bed for then is not what drives me now.

And here is my compass.
I am here to inspire, educate and motivate.
To encourage the world to think and act differently, one step at a time.
I help people believe. And if you wish to dismiss that, then go and try something that you don’t believe and let me know how you get on!
My ethics and my morals bound me to only do what is right for me and my clients. I choose the game now and I can play to the level that I want, that I choose.
My mission is to help you realise the game you wish to play and importantly the level that you want to play it at.
Because life is just a game. A beautiful, emotional, passionate, romantic, harsh, humorous & real game. Step up to the plate, pick up a bat and swing…you can’t win if you don’t swing the bat, that is a fact.

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So I am extremely grateful to the path that I have chosen and the routes that it takes me every week…burning new pathways, establishing new relationships and building new opportunities to make this world better, one step at a time.
I am grateful to my coach and my clients, past present and future.
I am grateful for my health and every day that I am given to get up and make it happen.
Whatever you do, do it to your best and the best will find you back.

When you are ready to take the bat and start winning…call me. The Congruent Coach. +44(0) 1792 911881

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Social Media Doesn’t work for business…what a crock of $#!}

Recently I was asked to guest blog for an awesome media company…now I say awesome for  a few reasons:

1) Because the people involved with said media company are quite simply, awesome.

2) And more importantly, they demystify media for businesses, so we can all use the tools that the big boys do without going all gooey eyed!

3) They have fun. And when you are having fun, you attract others…we can all learn from them.

So where can you find them you ask, well, you will below part of my guest blog and the rest you will have to click the link to finish reading it…I know, devilish of me isn’t it!

Before I click you out to there page so you cant engage with this awesome team, know this, Cemanthe who runs the business, has over 200 posts, for this post, it has been shared 24 times on Facebook, had 18 Tweets, 10 Linked-In posts and has been Pinned a few times.  SO if you ever get asked to guest blog, think about it. You all benefit an its another reason to show why the title of this blog is so true…Enjoy!

 

“…what a crock of $#!@” Guest Blogger Adam Brooks brings his slightly controversial view to whether or not social media can work for business.

This phrase has no doubt been said by many people, many times, all of whom are quite simply, in denial. Here is another one for you… ‘Old dog, new tricks’

The person who actually said this to me was Head of Marketing for a large organisation in the technology and communications industry…to put in blunt…shocking!

I have been an ‘enthusiast’ of social media over the last few years and I am increasingly impressed with how it continues to reinvent itself and link up new platforms and increased access to key people of influence, that in business…I want to talk to.

I have many mentors in written form as I read many books on business and how to get better results, I train every day, just like an athlete does to achieve success in their discipline…my discipline is business, sales, profitability and most importantly…people.

And…who will you find on Twitter, Facebook, Linked-In, Pinterest, Blogs and maybe even Google + at a push?…Correct…Read more

http://newmediaangels.com/ 

 

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Go on…..seduce me! I dare you.

Effective communication skills are highly valuable. They enrich our personal and social lives. In business it’s a matter of life and death.

This blog will show you how to gain almost instant rapport with whoever you meet whether in person or through writing using highly effective communication skills.

If you want to invest more time looking at Rapport Building then I highly recommend the book ‘Instant Rapport’ – Michael Brooks (no relation)



In recent years, much has been learned about the way the human brain processes information. The memories we have, the way we perceive experiences, are controlled by our visual, auditory and kinesthetic abilities.

Everything in our minds is there primarily due to what we see, hear and feel. Remember these three modalities, they are VERY important. Again, they are

  • VISUAL
  • AUDITORY
  • KINESTHETIC

These three modes combine in any learning or communication process. We use all of them to a degree.
However, research indicates that with the majority of us, one of those modes is more dominant than others.


Do you like to learn by watching, looking at diagrams or training videos? Probably you are more visually oriented.

Do you prefer to be told through the spoken word? Or are you the kind that likes to get his hands on the subject and starting doing, learning through a process of experimentation? Then you are probably more of an auditory or kinesthetic.

If this is true of us, it is true of the other person. What if you knew which kind of mode is dominant in the person you are talking or writing to? Could that help build rapport or in some way make your communication skills more effective? ABSOLUTELY!

Companies have spent thousands of dollars educating their salesmen to utilise this knowledge. The results? Dramatic!
How can you apply this very valuable insight? By taking special note of the words and phrases your prospect uses.

People often use expressions that indicate which modality they are thinking in at that moment. For example, “I see what you mean”, “I hear you”, “I’ve got a feeling about this”. When you hear these expressions, sit up, take note. They are sign posts pointing to that person’s modality.

So you have the sign posts, what do you do now? You respond in the same manner. Start using expressions in that person’s dominant modality. Why should this work?
Because words convey ideas to the other person’s mind. You start communicating on the other person’s wavelength. Just like two modems making an internet connection, your two brains start ‘hand shaking’. The effect is amazing.

Skeptical? That’s understandable. Just start, try it and you won’t be any longer.

Here is a true life experience.

A successful financial advisor read up on this subject and started employing the methods.

One day he walked into the office of a manager interested in a savings plan. The financial advisor noticed many artistic pictures on the manager’s office walls. He commented on them and gave an honest compliment.

The manager used expressions like “let me show you”, “you must see this”. The financial advisor immediately picked up on this and realised the manager was a visual.

When the time came for him to make his presentation, he started off by saying, “Let me first give you the big picture” and with that he pulled out a diagram. The manager immediately leaned over and started closely scrutinising the savings plan. From there on it went like a dream.

The rapport was established early on. The manager began to think “I like this man, I can do business with him.” A very good plan was devised which suited the manager’s needs well and both parties were happy – the manager with his plan, the financial advisor with his commission. A win win ending.
Don’t underestimate the power of communicating in the other person’s preferred mode.

Now, how can you apply this in your business? Do you write ad copy or sales letters? Do you do face to face selling or telephone selling?

Sprinkle your words with phrases from each mode and see how the prospect responds. If they respond with similar expressions, you have identified their mode.

Here is a list of words and phrases to help you identify a dominant modality:

VISUAL 

crystal clear / focused / flash / hazy / sight for sore eyes / up front / it appears to me / get a bird’s eye view / it looks like / in the mind’s eye / you get the picture / it’s clear cut / take a dim view / tunnel vision / the naked eye

AUDITORY 

rings a bell / all ears / certain overtones / harmonize / make myself heard / tuned in / that’s unheard of / to tell the truth / in a manner of speaking / gave him an earful / listen up / tongue-tied / described in detail / sounds like / just say it

KINESTHETIC

I’m conscious of / you can sense / she perceived / lay your cards on the table / come to grips with it / that’s a pain in the neck / pull some strings / hang in there / touch base with / it boils down to / start from scratch / that was under handed / hold on / you need to experience it / in a moment of panic

These lists are just to get you started. There are an abundance of signals out there in the way people express themselves.
You just need to “read the signs”, “hear the bell ring” and “grasp the meaning” behind the words your prospect is using, either in written or spoken form.
 

Rapport is almost priceless. Agreements, contracts, big business deals are often concluded between people because they sense a bonding between them.

Develop and practice these essential communication skills and your life and business will take on new vitality!

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Forming Storming Norming Performing

Transforming a group of diverse individuals into a high-performance team is a monumental task. Although teams have both strengths and weaknesses the ability to constructively exploit the strengths while improving upon the weaknesses is a challenge that most organizations will ultimately face. Accordingly a group that transcends these difficulties will eventually go on to develop the attributes that will effectively allow it to become a high powered team. While there are numerous models that can help to illustrate the elements necessary for team building Bruce Tuckman’s Forming – Storming – Norming – Performing Model of team development seems to illustrate this process with the most clarity.

The Forming – Storming – Norming – Performing model of team development was first proposed by Bruce Tuckman in 1965, who maintained that these phases are all necessary and inevitable in order for a team to grow, to face up to challenges, to tackle problems, to find solutions, to plan work, and to deliver results. This model has laid the framework for subsequent models of team dynamics frequently used in management theory to describe the behaviour of existing teams.

Forming

In the first stage of Tuckman’s model a team is selected and the team leader takes an active role in outlining and defining the team’s objectives. At this stage team members receive most of their direction from the authoritative figure usually a manager because the team leader lacks direction and they are just becoming accustomed to their new team environment.

 Storming

In the storming stage there is an active role on the part of management in delegating duties and responsibilities. This is the idea stage. During the storming stage individuals will exchange ideas and determine how they will work collectively. Identifying problem issues and evaluating each other’s perspectives is central to this phase of team development.

Norming

This stage of development is where the ground rules are set for team performance.  In the Norming phase a pattern develops which begins to lay the framework for a cohesive environment. Additionally, ideas are agreed upon and shared and common ground is established. Management continues to play an active role at this stage however, their involvement is generally participative and the team has more decision-making ability.

 

Performing

During the Performing stage team members have reached the pinnacle of performance. The team has a set of standards in place. They have established a charter or way of conducting the business of the team and conflict is handled in a constructive and dynamic fashion. Furthermore, management no longer plays a central role in governing the team and the decision-making process is in the hands of the team itself. Teams that reach this stage often exhibit a synergy that did not exist previously.

 Adjourning

This fifth and final stage of Tuckmans model of team development commonly referred to as Adjourning, suggests that a radical transformation can occur as the result of the synergistic qualities of the team begin to become evident. According to Bruce Tuckman A team that manages to remain together may transcend to a transforming phase of achievement. Transformational management can generate key changes in performance through team synergy and is considered to be more far-reaching than transactional management.

Models such as Tuckman’s can help to lay the framework for team development yet supporting and strengthening the team dynamic is ultimately up to the team itself. Therefore it is essential that team members be encouraged to contribute collectively to their mission. Encouraging collaboration within the team environment is a key component to ensuring that the team is functioning optimally and also allows team members to take ownership and responsibility for their successes and failures.

While a high powered team can come from diverse backgrounds that team must also share common attitudes towards achieving their objectives. A team’s ability to recognize and adapt to opposing attitudes and differences can help improve performance and at the same time create an environment that is conducive to achieving the team’s objectives.

Opposing attitudes and differences often have a shared correlation with demographic characteristics and culture which can in a manner of speaking contribute to or detract from a team’s performance. Simply put decision-making and problem-solving are approached differently depending on one’s cultural background. Hence knowing which personalities work well together helps to identify which individuals will likely be cohesive together. Developing an attitude that stimulates cohesion is essential to helping the team to direct their energy towards their objectives. For that reason it is necessary to encourage the interpersonal growth of the team through team support functions. Contributing to the team’s objectives collectively and seeing positive results enhances the team dynamic by encouraging cooperation and partnership. It should also be noted that encouraging cohesion through team support functions helps to augment the teams overall performance. In the end the synergy that results from this encouragement will help sustain open communication and encourage a lasting and solid commitment toward organizational objectives.

Today, most organisations, large and small operate in a global economy. In this global context, different groups with diverse backgrounds and/or diverse factors (e.g., gender, age, race, ethnicity, disability, sexual orientation, and religion) bring differences in perspectives, values, work ethics and ways of working into an organization as well as differences in language, national origin and culture. Some aspects of diversity may be evident while others are less noticeable. Diversity of thinking usually leads to a better overall result, as the needs of diverse customers will be considered. Further, challenges regarding managing workplace diversity in a global context are often related to underlying differences that affect intercultural relations in the workplace, such as stereotyping, degrees of language and cultural fluency, nonverbal communication, and different cross-cultural communication styles. The level of cultural diversity is also a factor in the complexity of intercultural communication and understanding. For example, culturally, there are different ways to make sense of a situation or convey bad news or different degrees to which one mixes business with personal life.

Now that is worth thinking about!

Applying You  – You; Simply Better

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The world is still flat

A limiting belief was that one time we all believed the world was flat and if we sailed out to the horizon we would drop off into the abyss.

Thankfully one man; good old Magellan was courageous enough to not listen, to dream and allow his dreams to become his reality, he set sail and came back years later with tales of a brave new world, with new bounty and worldly goods…from that day forward we set out to map the globe for it was no longer flat and it no longer ended at the same end where our vision failed us.

So today I ask you, is your world still flat?

No matter how far we have come from the cave, we fall very near at times. We can put man in space, we can cure and prevent epidemics, and we holiday in faraway lands, travelling the globe in a relative blink of an eye compared to Magellan’s days.

So why do we still allow our worlds to be flat? Why do we limit ourselves to our present horizon?

Is it fear of the unknown? Is it fear of failing? Is it safety in the comfort of what we know?

Whatever it is, the one fact will remain, as with everything in life. If you are not growing, then you are dying.

Standing still…settling…getting by…avoiding…doing my bit…procrastination…

If they are words that come into your limiting belief structure…Do you know what? You can keep them! I don’t want them.

So we have a new year, a time to reflect on the past and more importantly plan for the future. Here is my challenge to you for 2012.

Consider it was your last 52 weeks. You can choose to keep your horizons as they are or you can push yourself for more and guess what…this is the easy bit. It starts without you having to leave the house. Without having to get on the treadmill or even get on the scales.

1)      It requires a little quiet time. (Turn the TV off and shut out the white noise)

2)      Close your eyes (no one will look at you and laugh, even if they did you have your eyes close so you wouldn’t know, unless you are peeking!)Keep them closed for next few bits (obviously read the bits first)

3)      Breath (no not the necessary breathing to exist, I mean the true breathing that centres your very core. Deep breathing, in through the nose, out through the mouth. Feel every one, take your time until you only hear your breathing

4)      Allow your mind to wander to things you want to achieve in your life. Places you would like to go, people you would like to see, achievement you want to accomplish

5)      When one grabs you and you start to smile, begin to focus your thoughts on that one thing. Ask yourself where you are? When you are experiencing it, is it day or night? Is it summer or winter? Who are you with? What can you hear? What can you see? How does it feel?

6)      As you answer these and other questions that pop into your head, notice how you feel at that point. Remember that feeling. Remember what it is you saw/heard/felt

7)      Breathing again and slowly open your eyes.

8)      Allow yourself a few minutes to gain your bearings and take a pen and paper

9)      Put the pen to the paper and hold it there till you start to write or draw what you experienced.

10)   Pin it up somewhere that you see it daily. Read it daily. Better still, breath and repeat the exercise daily.

Believe me…your world will NEVER be flat again.

The world is not out there! That’s just the matter we walk on. The world exists in you. Your world exists in you. You cannot achieve something until you can perceive it and believe it.

Make the next 52 weeks awesome for you. When you are in your optimum state, you are far better off at helping others achieve theirs.

Now that is worth thinking about!

Applying You  – You; Simply Better

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You get in life what you expect….not what you want!

“Nobody succeeds beyond his or her wildest expectations unless he
or she begins with some wild expectations.” – RALPH CHARELL

What are your expectations for your life? Are you excited about your future or are you facing it with apprehension and fear? For most people the future holds too many uncertainties and the fear of what might happens tends to overshadow the ray of light that represents the life they ultimately desire. One of the hardest things to do in life is to lift yourself out of your current circumstance and step up to the level of life you desire.

We all live with an unconscious expectation of ourselves and our own lives. This expectation not only determines what we have in our lives but it also represents what we are willing to settle for. Expectation is a very powerful emotion and one that very few people ever learn to fully cultivate. Whatever you expect with certainty is what you will get in your life. Expectation is the emotional state where an idea becomes so real that you feel it even though you can’t hold it yet. Expectation is like an invisible magnet that will attract into your life that which you expect. When you expect something you activate and engage those parts of your mind and your nervous system that can empower you to think the unthinkable and do the undoable. One of the most powerful ways to cultivate expectation is to develop a very clear vision for your life.

Most people never even make the time to really define what they want from their lives, but even those who do follow the hope and pray strategy. They kind of know what they want but they don’t believe they can have it, so they hope that something will happen and come along their life path to fulfil their desires. Expectation however, is a completely different mindset. It is a mindset of absolute certainty that can be consciously cultivated. Inherent in hoping there is a sense of doubt as you always hold two opposing results in your minds eye. When you expect something you know it is definitely happening. The very focus of your mind dwells upon one definite end result. To turn a hope into an expectation, you simply eliminate doubt and fear by eliminating the opposing outcome. Instead of “seeing” something fail or succeed, you now only see the success. With expectation your actions, your words and your imagination dwells upon and reflects you already having and being exactly what you want. When you expect something you remove the doubt that is inherent in hoping.

When a mother to be is pregnant we would say that she is expecting. In other words she knows beyond a shadow of a doubt exactly what’s going to happen. Although some of the details are still unclear she is certain about the fact that she will have a baby and not something unknown. On an emotional level she can feel the result because she is expecting it although she can’t see and touch it yet. What you expect for your life is exactly like that. When you start to expect for your life that which you absolutely desire your whole mindset turns from an uncertain hoping and wishing to the certainty of expecting. The images you encourage and entertain in your minds eye, what you say to yourself and everybody else reflects only the results you are committed to.

Most people expect the worst and hope for the best. Our cultural conditioning has thought us things like “don’t get your hopes up” – just in case you might be disappointed. We’ve been taught to aim as low as possible. Everything above that will be a bonus. Right? Wrong! Remember that what you expect with certainty is what you will get in your life. You have to break away from the autopilot of the masses that just settle for an ordinary life; a life where they are not really happy but they are not unhappy to do something about it. If you want to lift your life and the quality of your life to a higher level than what it is at the moment you need to start by raising your expectations. Raise your expectations of what you are as a person and what you believe you deserve. See, what you believe you deserve is based on your expectations. When you lift your expectations to a higher level you raise your own standards and raising your standards is the first step to improving your life.

When you expect only the very best you will get only the very best. What you earn right now is what you expect to earn. The amount of free time you have right now is what you expect to have as free time. The relationships you have are what you expect it to be. When you expect the best it’s not like expecting something good or something similar, but it is the best and only the best. You have to stop settling for less than you can be or have. On a deep psychological level this is exactly what creates your expectations and that is why a lifetime of settling for less than you can be creates an expectation that is only “o.k”. It becomes the standard that you are willing to settle for. Think of yourself as the pregnant mother who expects (not hopes) only the best and with her imagination she is able to “live” the result in magnificent detail until she eventually has the experience of physically holding her “expectation”. You have to nurture and care for your desires and only by becoming unreasonable in your expectations can you turn your deepest desires into reality. Expectations are ideas that are build on solid rock. They are unshakeable; unlike hopes and wishes that will wash away with the first storm that comes along.

You need no special skills or knowledge to raise your expectations. You simply need a decision that from this point onwards you will never again settle for anything less than you can possible be. The difference between hoping for something with uncertainty and depending on something with expectation is nothing but the way you control and direct the focus of your mind. What you say to yourself, the images you imagine and your behaviour are what you can consciously control and direct. But, only if you choose to. If not, you will revert back to the autopilot of the masses just go with the flow of “whatever” comes along. The cultural autopilot is the emotional default and only through conscious and consistent nurturing of your desires and emotions can you live life by your own standards and create the expectations that will lead you to a life abundance and fulfilment.

Great expectations create great results. When you expect the best it will become a directional mechanism that will guide you to seeking out and finding what you expect. The difference between great expectations and weak hopes is nothing but a mindset; a mindset that can make the difference between living a life of fulfilment and one of desperation and frustration. Create the expectation by making sincere decisions. Nurture your expectations by never settling for anything less than the best.

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Talking to yourself is ‘the’ way

This morning before my day really kicked in, I was scanning my Facebook wall for interesting content, when I came across a blog from my friend Anna Lang (http://anna-lang-self-love.blogspot.com/).

 

It reminded me of a recent blog of mine and one that triggered a longer memory somewhere deep in my random little head and I searched it out for you. Thomas Turner shared back in 2009 and is a specialist in cognitive re-imprinting and hypnotherapy. Enjoy.

 

In today’s negative world, having a positive outlook on life can do wonders for you. It can literally change your life if you’re consistent. Many people understand this fact, but still struggle to make it work.

Their subconscious mind still keeps sending those negative thoughts to dwell on. How can you reprogram your subconscious mind for positive results? Here are the top five ways to reprogram your subconscious mind.

1. Positive Self-talk

This is the key to changing your life. You need to believe you are a better person. You need to understand that the only thing holding you back is YOU! So, the way you start is by being positive. Listen to your inner self-talk, and realize when you are being negative or putting yourself down.

Change your “I can’t…”, “I don’t know how…”, and “I’ll never be…” to positive self-talk like “I can…”, “I will…”, and “I am…” This seems simple, and ultimately it is. This simply first step will start to change your life for the better.

2. Visualise Your New Positive Life

 

Start by lying down in a quiet place. Turn off the lights to avoid any distractions. Now, take deep breaths, and tense up your entire body. Then, one body part at a time starting from your toes, relax that body part.

Once you are starting to feel relaxed, visualise yourself in the position you want your life to end up. Make sure to include yourself in these visualisations. It’s important that you make these images as real as possible for your subconscious to believe in what you are trying to accomplish. Once you feel at peace, move onto step 3.

3. Know What You Want

You have to know what you want out of yourself and your life. Not knowing where you’re going or what you are working for makes it hard for you to know which path you need to take to get there.

After you know what you want, focus on one want at a time. Accomplish that want then move on to a new want. This will allow for greater success. After you do all this move onto step 4.

4. Come Up With Some Affirmations

Affirmations can do you a world of good. The reason that they usually don’t work for some people is because they forget to do them consistently. Find a way to remind yourself and you will succeed.

5. Use Your Other Senses

Don’t just write them down once and forget about them. Write them out as often as possible. There’s something about actually writing them out that helps clarify things in your mind. It reprograms your subconscious to help you get what you really want. Write them down every day and you will supercharge your effectiveness.

Reprogramming your subconscious mind with these 5 easy steps, you will be able to see your accomplishments on paper, hear it in the affirmations, you will feel it in your visualization, it won’t be long until you make all of your wants from pictures, images, and your imagination into a reality. Your mind is a powerful tool we should all use. It these steps will make it as simple as 1, 2, 3, 4, 5!
Now that is worth thinking about!

 

Applying You  – You; Simply Better

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Do or do not….there is no try

Do or do not…there is no try – Yoda, Star Wars Episode IV

Most will know the title of this, so how does it relate to you. Today, tomorrow, forever.

Well, at what point do we really become accountable for our actions? At what point do we stand on our own two feet? When do we begin making our own way in life?

You may have different views on this matter. As a father, husband and a coach, I also have a view. Allow me to presuppose we are looking at this with different viewpoints. Please read this next statement three times.

“This is my map of the world, it is not THE map of the THE world, purely mine. You have your own map of the world.”

Having read that three times, I want you to ask yourself this question?

Do I have a map of the world?

Have I defined my map? Does my map change? Should it change? What do I do if it does change?

Questions like these and many more will come your way, you have to be prepared to know how to respond to these questions and be ready for the next. So how do you know, how can you prepare?

Ultimately you control all of the above. As soon as you can define the difference between right and wrong you begin to take accountability for your actions and decisions…it’s up to you to develop your ‘tools’ to enable you to better yourself and achieve what you want to achieve.

Here are a few of my favourite ‘tools’ to develop (be clear this is not an exhaustive list)

Behaviour: This is what you display to the outside world. Your thoughts manifested into actions, your actions and decisions creating the response you get from other people. This is made up of both conscious and sub-conscious thoughts. When communicating with other people and the outside world we want to portray a message, an image or an identity, however, whereas sometimes we create the response we want, many times we will not….how much of that do we actually control?

As a minimum if there are two people in the conversation then at least 50%…i believe you have more. I learned over time that the true measure of my communication is the response I get. Therefore to better the response I got, I chose to take more control and develop skills that we can all learn. Skills such as body language, non-verbal communications, modalities, the power of language and the effect it can have on those around us as well as ourselves.

Identities: As we grow, we develop a series of ‘identities’ toward aspects of our life. The first real identity that we become aware of is at school. Who we are, how we fit in, how we are different, are we leading or following in the group, how do we compare with our peers?

For example, are you good at sport? Remember back to physical education at school. Were you told you could play for the county and encouraged to do well or did you hear that you were behind and not as quick as the other kids or the classic what you lack in skill you can make up for in effort?

How do you think either of those influences would affect your performance and in turn complete your identity toward schooling. If constantly told you are good at football and yet you lose a game…you won’t question yourself first, more likely the game, other players or even the ref! If you were told you were poor at football you would be more likely to accept the result as you were ‘expecting it’…..identity re-affirmed!

Ability: Your skills, knowledge and application of both in repeat succession will lead to developing your ability. If you started to mountain climb today, I can guarantee you would make mistakes that an experienced climber would not. You need to learn in this way to become a better climber, you can’t just read or theorise about climbing you have to do it. You will tire quickly, and strain muscles because you begin climbing with your muscles and clinging to the mountain (or rope) using all your strength. As your knowledge grows, you begin to ask better informed questions, try more calculated moves till you realise you climb with your skeleton. It’s the frame that holds your body together, therefore when climbing, your straight skeleton will take your weight and save muscle use, meaning you can climb higher and longer. The same is to be said in life.

Dreams: Dream it, believe it, achieve it. Set your goals high and do not accept ‘You cant’ as that is other peoples limitations being forced on you. Just because ‘they’ may not be able to do something, they have no right to restrict your ability. For something to become a reality you have to first dream it….then as you begin to believe it, it starts to become more real….you start to verbalise it to yourself and then to others….then it’s closer than you realise as your brain now starts to find ways to make it happen. Goals are great, but conscious thoughts on achieving goals, can be sabotaged by sub-conscious thoughts of you not achieving goals in the past….so dream and dream big, set your sights and go get it.

And finally…

Application: When all is said and done. If I lit a candle in a room for of people and asked everyone to concentrate with their mind, concentrate hard and if we all believe we can make the candle go out with the power of our minds alone….we will be there for a long time! You have to get off your backside, show up (not just turn up) at every opportunity and keep going if you really want it. You have to apply yourself. Practice, practice, practice. Where was David Beckham when his friends were skulking off round the shop…he was kicking a ball against a wall, setting himself challenges and getting better and better…now in his late 30’s, still a professional football player…watch him during warm up or in training or out playing with his children. That discipline, that focus, that desire to be the best at what he is passionate about is as strong today as it has always been.

Once you defined what it is you want to achieve, you can begin the journey of developing your skills and knowledge. As you apply them you will form identities, values and beliefs that will drive you behaviour and ultimately shape the results you see in your life. It truly is, up to you. You can define, develop and deliver on what your map will be.

Now that is worth thinking about!

Applying You – You; Simply Better

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