Category Archives: mind
A water bearer in India had two large pots, each hung on each end of a pole which he carried across his neck.
One of the pots had a crack in it, and while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water at the end of the long walk from the stream to the master’s house, the cracked pot arrived only half full.
For a full 2 years this went on daily, with the bearer delivering only one and a half pots full of water in his master’s house.
Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments, perfect to the end for which it was made.
But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and miserable that it was able to accomplish only half of what it had been made to do.
After 2 years of what it perceived to be a bitter failure, it spoke to the water bearer one day by the stream.
“I am ashamed of myself, and I want to apologize to you.”
“Why?” asked the bearer. “What are you ashamed of?”
“I have been able, for these past two years, to deliver only half my load because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your master’s house. Because of my flaws, you have to do all of this work, and you don’t get full value from your efforts,” the pot said.
The water bearer felt sorry for the old cracked pot, and in his compassion he said, “As we return to the master’s house, I want you to notice the beautiful flowers along the path.”
Indeed as they went up the hill, the old cracked pot took notice of the sun warming the beautiful wild flowers on the side of the path and this cheered it some. But at the end of tile trail, it still felt bad because it had leaked out half its load, and so again it apologized to the bearer for its failure.
The bearer said to the pot, “Did you notice that there were flowers only on YOUR side of your path, but not on the other pot’s side? That’s because I have always known about your flaw, and I took advantage of it. I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back from the stream, you’ve watered them.
For 2 years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate my master’s table. Without you being just the way you are, he would not have this beauty to grace his house.”
Moral: Each of us has our own unique flaws. We’re all cracked pots.
Some of us don’t grow old gracefully, some are not so smart, some are tall, large & big, some bald, some physically challenged, but it’s the cracks and flaws we each have that make our lives together so very interesting and rewarding.
You’ve just got to take each person for what they are, and look for the good in them. There is a lot of good out there. There is a lot of good in you.
Blessed are the flexible for they shall not be bent out of shape. Remember to appreciate all the different people in your life! Or as I like to think of it – If it’s not for the crackpots in my life, it would be pretty boring.
Effective communication skills are highly valuable. They enrich our personal and social lives. In business it’s a matter of life and death.
This blog will show you how to gain almost instant rapport with whoever you meet whether in person or through writing using highly effective communication skills.
In recent years, much has been learned about the way the human brain processes information. The memories we have, the way we perceive experiences, are controlled by our visual, auditory and kinesthetic abilities.
Everything in our minds is there primarily due to what we see, hear and feel. Remember these three modalities, they are VERY important. Again, they are
These three modes combine in any learning or communication process. We use all of them to a degree.
However, research indicates that with the majority of us, one of those modes is more dominant than others.
Do you prefer to be told through the spoken word? Or are you the kind that likes to get his hands on the subject and starting doing, learning through a process of experimentation? Then you are probably more of an auditory or kinesthetic.
If this is true of us, it is true of the other person. What if you knew which kind of mode is dominant in the person you are talking or writing to? Could that help build rapport or in some way make your communication skills more effective? ABSOLUTELY!
Companies have spent thousands of dollars educating their salesmen to utilise this knowledge. The results? Dramatic!
How can you apply this very valuable insight? By taking special note of the words and phrases your prospect uses.
People often use expressions that indicate which modality they are thinking in at that moment. For example, “I see what you mean”, “I hear you”, “I’ve got a feeling about this”. When you hear these expressions, sit up, take note. They are sign posts pointing to that person’s modality.
So you have the sign posts, what do you do now? You respond in the same manner. Start using expressions in that person’s dominant modality. Why should this work?
Because words convey ideas to the other person’s mind. You start communicating on the other person’s wavelength. Just like two modems making an internet connection, your two brains start ‘hand shaking’. The effect is amazing.
Skeptical? That’s understandable. Just start, try it and you won’t be any longer.
Here is a true life experience.
A successful financial advisor read up on this subject and started employing the methods.
One day he walked into the office of a manager interested in a savings plan. The financial advisor noticed many artistic pictures on the manager’s office walls. He commented on them and gave an honest compliment.
The manager used expressions like “let me show you”, “you must see this”. The financial advisor immediately picked up on this and realised the manager was a visual.
When the time came for him to make his presentation, he started off by saying, “Let me first give you the big picture” and with that he pulled out a diagram. The manager immediately leaned over and started closely scrutinising the savings plan. From there on it went like a dream.
The rapport was established early on. The manager began to think “I like this man, I can do business with him.” A very good plan was devised which suited the manager’s needs well and both parties were happy – the manager with his plan, the financial advisor with his commission. A win win ending.
Don’t underestimate the power of communicating in the other person’s preferred mode.
Now, how can you apply this in your business? Do you write ad copy or sales letters? Do you do face to face selling or telephone selling?
Sprinkle your words with phrases from each mode and see how the prospect responds. If they respond with similar expressions, you have identified their mode.
Here is a list of words and phrases to help you identify a dominant modality:
crystal clear / focused / flash / hazy / sight for sore eyes / up front / it appears to me / get a bird’s eye view / it looks like / in the mind’s eye / you get the picture / it’s clear cut / take a dim view / tunnel vision / the naked eye
rings a bell / all ears / certain overtones / harmonize / make myself heard / tuned in / that’s unheard of / to tell the truth / in a manner of speaking / gave him an earful / listen up / tongue-tied / described in detail / sounds like / just say it
I’m conscious of / you can sense / she perceived / lay your cards on the table / come to grips with it / that’s a pain in the neck / pull some strings / hang in there / touch base with / it boils down to / start from scratch / that was under handed / hold on / you need to experience it / in a moment of panic
These lists are just to get you started. There are an abundance of signals out there in the way people express themselves.
You just need to “read the signs”, “hear the bell ring” and “grasp the meaning” behind the words your prospect is using, either in written or spoken form.
Rapport is almost priceless. Agreements, contracts, big business deals are often concluded between people because they sense a bonding between them.
Develop and practice these essential communication skills and your life and business will take on new vitality!
In general we tend to hold certain people or certain professions in high regard. In the majority of cases that is justified, however, in a number of cases throughout our life we are conditioned or become conditioned to take certain people or professions in high regard without really checking their credentials.
For example, when we need our car fixed we take it to a garage and we fall into a ritual routine of behaviours…we behave how we feel we should when we take our car to a garage.
“act like we know something/anything about cars and begin telling the ‘would be’ expert what we believe is wrong with it, despite having no mechanical knowledge to write home about”
“admit we know nothing about cars and lay our soul bare to the ‘Keyser Soze’ of the car mechanics invoice books”
The same is said when we go to the doctors or find ourselves in the hospital. We lose control. Not in a running around with wild hair screaming uncontrollably or sit in a chiar rocking with pencils up our nostrils way…we simply have little to no power in those situations and therefore lose control.
Let me take you through a scenario and at the end of the scenario I will ask you a question to answer honestly.
The scenario isthis. You wake up one day feeling queezy, and decide to visit the quacks and get an MOT, when you are advised there is an abnormal finding on your heart. They refer you to the hospital with efficiency not seen in the NHS for over 40 years. Impressed by the speed of the service briefly outshines the weighty thought that is growing on your mind on your way to see the specialist. That thought being…why so quick?
You meet with the specialist and he advises the following:
You have a challenge with your heart, that despite being very serious, can almost certainly be rectified with open heart surgery within the next 72 hours. He introduces by name the surgeon who will be carrying out the procedure.
Dr Brown here is THE pioneer of open heart surgery. He pioneered the technique over 40 years ago.
(All very positive so far)
However, this is your heart and you only have one. So like me, you feel the need to ask this guy some questions to ‘test his metal’ as opposed to just accepting he is the best person to carry out the life threatening procedure just because he has cold hands, wears a white coat and his mate recommended him (too cynical!…perhaps)
Through asking questions you you uncover a few facts:
Since this time, Dr Brown has never attended any medical seminars, advising on developments in open heart surgery. None in 40 years.
Since this time, Dr Brown has not read any medical journals or kept up to date with any enhancements or developments in open heart surgery. None in 40 years.
In fact he is doing as he says, using the same techniques he used to test and perfect open heart surgery over 40 years ago.
My question to you is this…
How comfortable are you now in going under the knife with Dr Brown within 72 hours?
(answer below in your replies please. )
If ‘Yes’ please highlight why
If ‘No’ please highlight why
Now that is worth thinking about!
Applying You – You; Simply Better
Life is like a tightrope
Ever felt like this? Ever felt like you are one misplaced step from falling away?
So how are you keeping balance?
Can you do something proactive to keep your balance?
The answer is of course…Yes.
I remember the first time I saw the bumper sticker that read “Shit Happens” and do you know what, I laughed, but I didn’t get it! Not properly get it.
It took me time to realise that yes, shit does actually happen (lesson 1) and that I can’t control it (lesson 2) and more importantly what I can control is what I do next (lesson 3).
How I react, how I feel, how I allow myself to feel, what I allow myself to do next is VITAL!
I can drop below the line and live in the victim mentality world, or I can step up, accept it has and now do something to regain my balance, to put myself back on my feet…to confidently step back on the tightrope.
However, you may be thinking, this is all a little reactive? So here is where the smart people live…
It is control to accept that you cannot control things. It is assertive to know this and be confident about it and it is smart to keep your ego in check.
Yes that’s right…I said it…your ego. If you are one of the misguided few that do not believe they have one, that was the little voice in your head who dismissed it with a ‘tut’ just now. Well…go on…say hello to each other.
‘Ego, you, you, ego’. Ok, now we are all acquainted. Who do you have around you to keep your ego in check?
I meet many people in my life, those on a higher path, those on an unknown path, those helping others recognise their path…and those who invest their life helping others achieve their path, their calling can all too often fall into ‘my ego is bigger than me’.
Coaches, facilitators, NLP Practitioners, consultants the list goes on and there are no doubt new names for us, I am just ‘not that hip’. We all fall into this category.
We need to be congruent to who we are and what we do. If you coach, be coached. My coach reminded me recently that both coach and coachee are walking a continual tightrope. One that at times you feel there is no need for a safety net (ego) and one where you always feel that you can step off and continue to grow, continue to take a step into the unknown and continue to make mistakes as long as you learn from them. And it is OK, your coach has you. He is with you, behind you, ahead of you. He walks shoulder to shoulder learning and growing with you.
A coach is only ever as good as those that he coaches.
So walk the rope, allow yourself to fall, falling obliterates fear as the fear of falling or failing is often far worse than the reality and remember as Charlie ‘Tremendous’ Jones once said…
“It is not how far you fall, but how high you bounce back”
Have an awesome week. If you are on the tightrope on your own don’t allow fear or ego to run your life…
Get a coach
Get the coach
Get in touch
You; Simply better.
A limiting belief was that one time we all believed the world was flat and if we sailed out to the horizon we would drop off into the abyss.
Thankfully one man; good old Magellan was courageous enough to not listen, to dream and allow his dreams to become his reality, he set sail and came back years later with tales of a brave new world, with new bounty and worldly goods…from that day forward we set out to map the globe for it was no longer flat and it no longer ended at the same end where our vision failed us.
So today I ask you, is your world still flat?
No matter how far we have come from the cave, we fall very near at times. We can put man in space, we can cure and prevent epidemics, and we holiday in faraway lands, travelling the globe in a relative blink of an eye compared to Magellan’s days.
So why do we still allow our worlds to be flat? Why do we limit ourselves to our present horizon?
Is it fear of the unknown? Is it fear of failing? Is it safety in the comfort of what we know?
Whatever it is, the one fact will remain, as with everything in life. If you are not growing, then you are dying.
Standing still…settling…getting by…avoiding…doing my bit…procrastination…
If they are words that come into your limiting belief structure…Do you know what? You can keep them! I don’t want them.
So we have a new year, a time to reflect on the past and more importantly plan for the future. Here is my challenge to you for 2012.
Consider it was your last 52 weeks. You can choose to keep your horizons as they are or you can push yourself for more and guess what…this is the easy bit. It starts without you having to leave the house. Without having to get on the treadmill or even get on the scales.
1) It requires a little quiet time. (Turn the TV off and shut out the white noise)
2) Close your eyes (no one will look at you and laugh, even if they did you have your eyes close so you wouldn’t know, unless you are peeking!)Keep them closed for next few bits (obviously read the bits first)
3) Breath (no not the necessary breathing to exist, I mean the true breathing that centres your very core. Deep breathing, in through the nose, out through the mouth. Feel every one, take your time until you only hear your breathing
4) Allow your mind to wander to things you want to achieve in your life. Places you would like to go, people you would like to see, achievement you want to accomplish
5) When one grabs you and you start to smile, begin to focus your thoughts on that one thing. Ask yourself where you are? When you are experiencing it, is it day or night? Is it summer or winter? Who are you with? What can you hear? What can you see? How does it feel?
6) As you answer these and other questions that pop into your head, notice how you feel at that point. Remember that feeling. Remember what it is you saw/heard/felt
7) Breathing again and slowly open your eyes.
8) Allow yourself a few minutes to gain your bearings and take a pen and paper
9) Put the pen to the paper and hold it there till you start to write or draw what you experienced.
10) Pin it up somewhere that you see it daily. Read it daily. Better still, breath and repeat the exercise daily.
Believe me…your world will NEVER be flat again.
The world is not out there! That’s just the matter we walk on. The world exists in you. Your world exists in you. You cannot achieve something until you can perceive it and believe it.
Make the next 52 weeks awesome for you. When you are in your optimum state, you are far better off at helping others achieve theirs.
Now that is worth thinking about!
Applying You – You; Simply Better
Don’t tell me you trust me, show me.
Don’t tell me you respect me, show me.
Don’t tell me you love me, show me.
Don’t tell me I inspire you, show me.
Don’t tell me I motivate you, show me.
Don’t tell me I push you forward, show me.
Don’t tell me it’s possible, show me.
Don’t tell me it’s easy, show me.
Don’t tell me you’ve done it, show me.
Tell me YOU and I close off to the world.
Show me YOU and I will show you the world.
Show me – by Adam Brooks